Am i weird, for not being able to continue with my life after seperation with my ex girl friend.?

Hi in February I split with my girlfriend who i was with for 3 years. It has made me really depressed and lonely. I can't stop thinking and everything reminds me of her. I really did want to get back with her, so I spoilt her for her birthday in April I brought her a kitten because her old cat died in March and many other gifts such as flowers sent to her work. I love her more than anything when i see her or i see her name on my phone i get erflies. The problem we have is she an abortion last year and both of us have struggled to cope, and she has said to me she struggles to look at me now without thinking what if. My ex has had problems financially in which she came to me and i borrowed her money to pay her debts off because of what we have both been through there is still that understanding. Unfortunately last weekend things got blown out of proportion in which I feel guilty of now. I borrowed my ex �600 last friday because she had a early pay day loan off the internet. She was very thankful and things for her at home have been tough for her lately, because she has not been speaking to her parents. Anyway that Friday night my ex was messaging me, I had wanted to meeet her to sort some stuff out as i am still supposed to be going to Turkey with her in September and the money issues. My ex said it would be a good idea to go somewhere on the Tuesday were nowbody would now us, so i text my manager at work to book the day off, and i planned the day out to go to Weston super mare, because we had a great weekend together there last summer. That night my ex also told me she still loved me (i can't explain the feeling when she told me that it was surreal), she also asked what i was doing at the time and asked where we could go to meet, i then messaged my ex back but she did not reply so i guessed she had fallen asleep. That night i went to sleep feeling the happiest man in the world. The next morning i woke up at 6.30am, i new my ex had work at 10am, so i messaged saying whether i could take her for breakfast and to work, she agreed to meet me. Unfortunately when she was in my car, she said she did still love me but was not in love with me anymore. When I arrived at her work she got out the car and run off, i decided to catch her up, in which she was crying saying it was too hard to look at me and told me not to hug her. She therefore walked off and i found the nearest bench and sat down to calm down, as this really hurt me. Therefore through out the day i was messaging my ex, she was giving out the attitude to leave her alone whilst she was at work, which i was fine with and i appologised for, even though she had been messaging me the day before when i was at work to tell me about her financial problems etc. That evening i was in my local pub watching the football and after the game whilst sitting in the beer garden with my friends, i got upset and rang up my ex, and told her that if she did not meet me the next day i would tell her mum and dad about her problems, but knowing she was with her boyfriend, i got jealous and angry and demanded that she met me straight away, i therefore went home got in my car, in which i was over the limit, i picked her up from the same place i had picked her up on the morning. I then realised after what she told me night before, she ended up staying there whilst i was at home thinking of a happy future together a bit naive to say the least. Whilst driving i pulled up on a quiet street and my ex kept on saying about how her new bf had dumped her etc, this then made me snap and like an idiot i began lashing out on my own car, causing damage, my ex then left to go back to the pub i picked her up from, i then followed her back, in which she told me to go before she rang police saying i was drinking and driving. I was so upset and angry i went to my ex's parents, who i consider second parents, whilst there i completely gred my ex up about her financial problems the lot, i also got drunk stopped the night and attempted an over dose, i now feel the most stupid person on the planet, and have tried since messaging my ex to appologise.